Thursday, July 23, 2009

Artist Entry: Lye By Mistake hotshot Maxx Tempo gives us an LBM summertime update

(Photo credit: Jake Didion)

Summer time is here and in full effect in muggy old St. Charles Missouri, the birthplace of the Louis and Clark Expedition and Big League Chew. The weather here is to die for. Seriously, I’ll be surprised if I don’t get sucked bone dry by all the god damn mosquitoes. I can’t even jerk off at Naomi’s place without getting bit by one.
I know most of you out there are thinking “I wonder what those crazy guys from Lye By Mistake have been up to?” Well if you must know, the crew has just wrapped up production of their second full length Compact Disk entitled, "Fea Jur." In the meantime the crew has been up to the old routine of life at home between tours.
When Ben Whailin isn’t gigging with Lye By Mistake he’s rocking out with famed cover band, The Money Shot. Ben also teaches a legion of young squirts the way of the guitar in an almost religious fashion. If he’s not playing or teaching he’ll just pose in front of the mirror practicing guitar moves with his iconic Music Man strapped on only inches away from chipping a tooth. Ben Whailin also loves to paint in his spare time using his guitar as a paint brush--come to think of it, I can‘t say I‘ve ever seen him with out his beloved guitar strapped on.
Underneath Whailin’s wings is Murl Philpot, a young, talented, and hip guitarist with a dream to get filthy stinkin' rich with this band. Murl gigs around town with a group of gentile gentlemen that call themselves The Gorge, be on the lookout for these guys. I’m telling you right here and now, in a few years they’re going to be the next Color Me Badd.
Then there’s Jonnie Pokket. At it again schlepping the meat, not at your local grocer though. He’s been working with the Production Company 101 dicks getting ready to launch an instructional Bass Tapping/Finger Banging technique DVD due out just in time for the holidays.
As for me, well I’m teaming up with Jonnie and we are preparing an exciting new line of double-sided dildos called the "Tag Team Duo," which will be molded true to our "forms" with a combined length of 9 inches! I’ve also been working on my tan, and I just enlisted in a Tae Kwon Do class to get me in shape to play the new material Live.
We played a show last week for a loyal crowd full of Lye by fans, by no mistake. The new material has been completely obliterating faces, where the old material would leave faces melted like a grilled cheese sandwich this new shit is leaving nothing behind--not even a fart particle can survive. We are unleashing a wave of sound that not even Helen Keller could withstand. If you think you are man enough to harkin' such an album, you’d best prepare yourself for audible annihilation. "Fea Jur" drops in record stores in Fall ‘09.


Maxx Tempo

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