Dudefest Day 1: Death and a handful of nickels

Friday, June 19

An ode to poo..

It’s day one of Dudefest, yet I’m still not in Indianapolis.
The dozen or so dudes of Gaza and the_Network, who shared the hardwood floors at the Error House, tag-teamed the shower, then parted ways for Indianapolis.

Gas, heart attacks and hallucinations

The_Network stopped for gas right outside the University of Illinois before heading to Indy, which is around $3.98 a gallon, making this Californian say things like, “What the fuck?” and “What the hell were their gas prices before the oil corp. execs decided to rape and pillage?”
You’d think a stop at the gas station would be completely normal. Everyone sits idle while the guy pumping the gas does his best not to wince at the amount of cash burning up in thin air.
But this day, in the matter of five minutes, an old man nearly drug his wife – who was halfway out the driverside door – across the gas station parking lot, while in the midst of what seemed to either be a heart attack, or severe dementia. After the gas station attendant ran out and managed to avoid all common sense by asking, “Should I call 9-1-1?” an ambulance showed up.
Seeing old people die wasn’t the end of it, I mean, that’s what old people do, they die. An average sized black dude on a mini bike drove through the whole scene, diverting our attention from the withered old man being strapped down to a gurney.
But still this wasn’t all.
Another random guy, who looked like one of the only vatos locos in town, strolled by the van doing his best gangster strut, and asked the guys if they were in a band. After answering yes, the guy asked the name of the band. But really, what vato would know who the_Network is? He’d have to be doing time for being scummy, that’s for sure.
But after the guy was given a response from Bennett, he said he’d heard of the band and that a friend from Mass. told him about the_Network. At this point, we were all questioning how PCP got into our drinking water.

Dudefest, Day 1

Here at BMA, we hold the term “fashionably late” with much importance when getting to a venue.
It was about 8 p.m., the_Network and Gaza were already at the Emerson Theater, yet the BMA staff lagged – but after spending the day with a bunch of crusty dudes, a shower had to be in order on my part.

Here’s what I recall about the night prior to heading over to Zanie’s Too:

• Talking about poo with Jon from Gaza

• Getting a dollars worth of nickels in change from the nearby McDonalds, ‘cause dude was too lazy to wait for paper money, and with no slot machines in sight, this was useless to me.

• Following those Utah hooligans of Gaza -- Casey, Luke, Mike and friend of Gaza, whose name I can’t remember for the life of me – back to their van, while they guzzled Bud Light and played catch with a football at the steps of a church.

• Watching only one band, Coliseum – Okay, two when adding the maybe five minutes of Torche (I think).

• Considering taping the repeated response we had to give when people asked us why The Red Chord couldn’t make it.

Two-pack a day voiced bartenders

At Zanie’s Too, there were two bartenders, neither were remotely attractive. And due to their two-pack-a-day voices, neither would even be hired as phone sex operators – that is unless you dig your chicks sounding like a Louis Armstrong and Barry White fusion. That’s pretty much a huge separation from California, where a majority of the time the bartenders are attractive, but then again, alcohol is more expensive and the bars close two hours earlier.

Here’s what the night mainly consisted of prior to the_Network playing:

• Kevin from the_Network and I whooped this guy’s ass in pool, not once, but twice. Apparently three times if you factor in the Kevin vs. guy-whose-name-I-can’t-remember’s first round.

• Luke from Gaza recapping his experience with getting a ride from Scott Hull of Pig Destroyer to the bar.

The_Network’s performance was an eye-opening experience, namely for Metal Jeff, the photographer traveling with the band. Jeff took Pete's peddle board straight to the eye, making him look like Ike Turner told him what's up from the grave. But that’s not all folks; pretty much all of Gaza was trying to get in on the mix during the scummers’ set, showing their drunken support, one bruised nipple or other form of bodily injury at a time.


Stay tunned for Day's two and three..

-Sheena, BMA Publicity Assistant

Artist Entry: Hi. I'm Guy Kozowyk, and I'm addicted to 'Brickbreaker'

Just another day at the office

I've been trying to get all of my bands to participate in this blog and wouldn't you know it, the hypocrite I am, I had never contributed one myself. Until now!!! This entire tirade is inspired by the fact that it's Saturday night and I just beat "Brickbreaker" on my phone (the shitty, but super addicting pong-type game that comes pre-installed on every Blackberry).

The weekends have always been associated with wild nights out, friends and partying. Until you're away on tour eight months out of the year for seven years straight and all your old buds who would've started calling at 5:01 p.m. on Friday afternoon to see what's up for the weekend assume that you aren't going to be around and stop calling. Eventually, you lose touch and you become the outsider to poker night, pay per view get togethers and general debauchery. You just have to hope you'll find a female who is dumb enough to put up with the abusive schedule and deal with the lack of companionship so you ensure yourself something to do when you get home. And if that isn't available, thankfully God created video games for children, teenagers, college kids, the late-twenty something record label owner/band guys....losers of all ages!

I got back from a tour with Converge, The Red Chord, Genghis Tron and Coliseum about a week ago. I've been completely exhausted and slammed by all the regular catch up work. To decompress, I've found myself buried in a handful of video games. When I was out in Los Angeles, I found a new best friend in a kid named Travell who works for EA Sports who hooked me up with a short stack of Xbox 360 games-- "Army of Two," "The Orange Box" and "Battlefields 2." The night I got home, my brother Michael and I played "Army of Two" start to finish on the easy level. It was fun primarily because of the brotherly bonding experience associated with the four hours of non-stop terrorist killing, but the lack of bosses and a disappointing end sequence infuriated me to the point where I don't know if I will ever play it again.

Most games I can't just casually play. I'll go eight months without touching a controller before having a three-day binge with no sleep. Mike started the "Orange Box," which is actually three or four games in one including "Half Life" and "Portal." After finishing "Army of Two," I just couldn't stand to be in front of the television any longer and watching the 3D strategy game, "Portal" was giving me a headache. I made some comment about why anyone would want to play this mind-numbing game with no enemies whatsoever. I'm making my escape back to my workload when he drops the life ruining comment, "Ever play the 2D Portal on the computer? It's pretty wild." He tells me to search Addictinggames.com and sure enough I find it seconds later. I should never have even looked.

ADDICTING GAMES DOT COM! Of course it's going to ruin your life. It's like trying to casually shoot heroin or something. It just doesn't work like that. Next thing you know, I'm glued to the computer for hours cursing out whoever game up with this retarded 30 level game. It was probably two sleepless nights later when I finally beat it and wanted to put a gun in my fucking mouth over yet another frustrating end sequences.

Which finally brings me to tonight and "Brickbreaker." I got a new phone with this little curse installed on it a couple months ago and on many occasions I find myself bored and killing time with this basic pong-style "hit the ball at the bricks and try to break them. Repeat." You pick up weapons along the way like lasers and multiple balls and for the first 13 stages it is smooth sailing. And then it just kicks in to life ruining mode where it's pretty much impossible.

Since I'm having the video game binge week, I picked up "Brickbreaker" this evening and went for it and in some stroke of luck, I actually made it through all 34 stages within two tries. I'm about to spoil it for everyone-- the game just fucking starts over!!! Like Dr. Mario repeating over and over and over and over on level 24 regardless of what speed you have it on or how quick you kill the shitty viruses, it just starts over. No end screen. No congratulations. Wouldn't you know it, your name goes on this giant top score chart -- my best score ever still leaving me in 42,566th place. I didn't even crack the top 20,000!!! Even when I win I'm a loser! Seriously, I'm not the type of guy to go throwing fits or punching walls, but my Blackberry almost went out the window in a fit of nerd rage.

So that's it. My first official blog. I'm going to attempt to hide from video games for a while. And my Xbox Live gamer tag is SQUASH YOU, so now no one has to MySpace me and ask, or you can leave feedback about how I was terrible at the game or I talked shit to your 8-year-old brother on the headset during "Gears of War" tournaments. I swear, if as many people bought something from the BMA Web store as message me on MySpace about what my gamer tag is, I'd be a rich man.

Thanks for your attention.