Friday, May 2, 2008

Artist Entry: Dance Club Massacre vocalist Nick Seger and six chapters of random blasts

"Six Chapters of Random Blasts"
by, Nick Seger

Chapter 01: Greetings

A Black Market Activities Blog. This is pretty neat. Let the fans get to know the bands a little, more about themselves, and how unpredictable tour can be. For starters, my name is Nick Seger and I am the guy that screams stuff for Dance Club Massacre. Black Market Activities picked us up in January 2007 and it’s been a hell of a ride since. Mitch told me about this cute little blog section and gave the orders to write. Mitch is our guitarist and member of the band that is glued to the internet and message boards and sites concerning the metal/punk/hardcore/whatever scene. He also assumes responsibility of mainly all of the business and phone calls. So since I had written a few blogs (Random Blasts) in the past for our band's site he suggested I spill out some of my thoughts or "random blasts" right here... IN THE OFFICIAL BMA BLOG!

Chapter 02: Too Illegit to Quit

I never really search the Web for message boards about bands and tours. On the Internet I spend my time checking out what’s going on with
Chicago sports teams, funny videos, or any wrestling news site (I'm the biggest wrestling fan you will ever meet.) But Mitch of course being Mitch, once showed me this Web site called I thought I would peruse this one due to the abundant comments about my band!

"Oh golly! I bet there are some nice things about me in here! Maybe a CD review! How fun!" said the oblivious chump named Nick, whilst pushing up his glasses and pulling apart some delicious string cheese.

Wait a minute here. Why...why these guys are just mean! "Why God, why did Black Market sign this band? This band isn't legit at all. They look like a bunch of pre-teens posing as the real deal. Pftt, great. Another false grind, metalcore breakdown brat pack who probably never played a show in their entire lives -- and they're not legit. Pfft, I bet they don’t even know who Isis is, let alone Botch or Neurosis. What a bunch of assholes."

It gets worse after that. The next link Mitch sends me is a review of our album Feast of the Blood Monsters. Not a thing was mentioned about the music. It was actually about how we looked, and how we had the word “Massacre” in our name.

Well then, to those "legit" uh, "core" fans out there, I guess I will just have to apologize that I look younger than I am. I'm sorry I don’t have an
Isis sweatshirt. I’m sorry that we got stuck with a band name that eventually resembled at least 500 others -- and I'm sorry that we're not dead yet. But hey, you'll never know, while we continue to tour maybe a semi-truck will run us out of our lane, losing control of the wheel and taking us over a cliff, where our mangled bodies tumble out of the window of Vince McVan (thats the name of our van), to have us all be impaled by long thorny branches, and then our blood will slide down the roots where the earth can digest our illegitimacy and then you can blame our wretched souls that now impregnate the earth for its demise -- whenever that may be. : )

Chapter 03: Hakuna-Matatour

Tour for DCM is a funny thing. It's the best of times and it’s been the worst of times. Once upon a time, in the summer of 2007, we arrived to one show somewhat in the beginning of the "Brokeback Mountour" with Architect and Destroyer Destroyer.

It was agreed that the promoter provide some sort of catering for the three struggling bands. Nothing special. Nothing specific. Just something. Now, its one thing to just not have food. Whatever, we don’t do contracts, and we can always just hit up some food after the show. But one guy actually had two small containers of fly infested warm potato salad and a bag of chips, which he claimed cost him $80. He said because he spent that much money on the catering, he did not have enough money for the actual guarantee for the three of us.

Another similar situation that happened on that tour was when a couple who threw a show for us said they didn't have enough money to pay the bands but we could stay at their house -- they lived in a mansion. On that tour, we usually stayed in a Super Wal-Mart parking lot, grilling and playing bean bags all night. But it's OK, we have a million MySpace fans right? We should be rich.

Like every tour, the first day was a little awkward of course, meeting new guys you will be spending the next month with. But it didn't take long at all to become great friends. Oddly enough Architect at first wanted nothing to do with us and expected us to be little scenesters that in no way should be on a label with the caliber such as Black Market Activities. By the second day we earned their respect and are pretty damn good friends. In fact we are staying with them right now in
Syracuse, NY, since uh... the end of this last tour didn't go so hot.

Chapter 04:
Devon Heresy -- Get the Tables!!!!

Divine Heresy, Sworn Enemy, With Blood Comes Cleansing, From A Second Story Window, Dance Club Massacre. Believe me when I say going into this tour we were super excited. This was the most professional tour we would be doing. It was booked through The Agency Group, which is pretty respectable.

Time to put on our game faces boys! Gotta look good, gotta get tough. Maybe some booking agents would be on the sides checking out our skills. For an analogy I'm more comfortable with; it was kind of like we were in the developmental territory honing our skills, and with this tour we got called up to "WWE Friday Night SmackDown!" for some trial dark matches. If we win over the crowd, we're in the big time. Opening up the potential for bigger tours is like being an opener or mid-carder for "RAW" or "SmackDown." Okay, I promise not to talk about wrestling anymore.

Before the tour actually began our new band of brothers, From A Second Story Window, contacted us and planned a few shows together to get our asses in
Colorado to begin the thrashing. Of course, on the first day we had to go to a party where we can be in a neutral setting, to relax and get to know each other a little better. There was much beer pong to be played, Taco Bell stops, free booze, and a little game called “Buffalo."

FASSW claim Buffalo is a game they were taught by Heavy Heavy Low Low. The thing is, once you swear your self in, there is no backing out. You're playing for life. Of course we swore our selves in with little to no hesitation. The rules are: If anyone has a drink in their right hand and someone yells “buffalo” you have to chug what's left. Whether it's one last sip of a tall, cool, Pabst Blue Ribbon or a whole fifth of vodka.

I have decided to not name any names for the sake of one's family and integrity -- and because I straight up love the guy -- but let’s just say by the end of that night a certain gentleman pissed in an empty bottle, and held it up in his right hand with honor and pride. Then our tour manager/merch guy James called "buffalo." Once again I will not name names, but that piss was chugged straight down without hesitation. Now that the ice was broken, we were ready for tour.

Chapter 05: Back to Developmental

Well of course the tour didn’t exactly meet our expectations of our, so called, big debut squash match against Nunzio or Val Venis. Financially some of the bands were in jeopardy. Attendance was low. Buy outs were barely buy outs. An incident occurred between the members of Divine Heresy, where they had to drop the last several dates. With Blood Comes Cleansing had already re-routed their tour to head back home to
Atlanta. Sworn Enemy had their van broken into. It was a wreck! I still wanted to play the last few dates, but alas, they were canceled without the headliners. With all of this said, I have nothing but much much love for those bands we went out with.

At one point in Louisville, KY once the smoke had cleared and we were finishing at the bar and loading up equipment, "Lean On Me" by Bill Withers came on the juke box and something magical happened. We found all five bands singing the song with so much passion, arms over each other's shoulders. You had ex-members of Fear Factory and Nile. Big, bulging, muscle men. Little dorks with Star Wars tattoos. Pretty boys, fuglys boys all united as one, singing to this tune. It was like the ending of closure to a "Wonder Years" episode. So for that kind of emotion, picture some classic ballad from the '70s playing as you read the next paragraph in the narrated by the voice of Daniel Stern.

It doesn't matter how tough tour can get, touring is just plain fun. We make new friends each time we tour. Not to mention that one day you're playing in front of 200 kids in a circle pit, then the next you sell one shirt and rock your hardest to 14 kids at
6:30 in the p.m. -- and you make those kids smile. Maybe one of the big burly guys with a "Gigantour" shirt on digs your sound and buys you a beer. Maybe one of the little MySpace sluts wearing three belts tells you deep from her tainted soul that she really really loves you guys and her mom dropped her off just in time to see you. Every little bit counts my friends.

Chapter 06: The Future

Well we are here with our boys Architect for a few more days waiting to get back on the road. Next up is a tour with Psyopus, The Crinn, and Epicurean. We have already toured with Epicurean before, which might I add, was a blast. I can’t wait for more good times and great memories. Well, time to go to the liquor store before it closes. I’m thinking champagne tonight. BMA fans: we are going to keep on touring as much as possible. You know the saying: "The going gets tough, and the tough gets going." For the haters: we promise to keep being as illegit as possible!

Hey, maybe we will get gold foil shirts and sell them on our MYSPACE! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! The world is ours! And nothing can stop us!!! Except for a semi truck.


Eric said...

I was always under the impression that, in Buffalo, it's only if you're caught drinking with your right hand that you must finish your beverage. Lucky left handed fucks.

The Memory Leak said...

Nick, you are one funny motherfucker. I saw you guys on the Brokeback Mountour in New Hampshire. You were awesome!

Anonymous said...

yeah, right hand...thats what we said...

Paul said...

I'm now a fan just because I almost pissed myself over Vince McVan.

Anonymous said...

jesus balls and coke hangers...lets talk about corn fields and the rising level of bunts.

John H. Miller said...

good blog. im hungover because of buffalo. thanks a lot!