Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Artist Entry: Dance Club Massacre vocalist Nick Seger and the second installment of random blasts

El Randomo Blasto: Numero dos

Buenos Dias Black Market Activities Blog fans! Seger here once again to give you RANDOM FUCKING BLAST! Pardon my foul mouth but I'm trying to make a point.

It has recently been drawn to my attention how much the metal kids and other types of girl pants goombas love swear words. Swear words sell. And not JUST swear words. Like my fellow BMA co-worker from Animosity, Leo, put it best - It's all about the big block letters boys and girls.

We had a show across the street from Animosity in Cleveland, OH. A bunch of kids standing in front of OUR venue ran over and bought a SHIT load of First Blood hoodies. I’m standing there minding my own business and here come seven or eight dudes and one chickity frolicking back to our home base dressed in bright red sweatshirts with swear words on them. In no way do I have a problem with this at all -- No problem with the band, no problem with kids having a blast buying merch from one band they really like and then running back to our show -- I'm just making an observation here. All of the fests, all of the tours, all of the shows I see gold foil shirts and big block lettering with swear words. Well in the words of Rocko the Wallabee: "That tears it!" If my friends Reel Big Fish don't mind selling out, then neither do I! We are going to get gold foil shirts! And big block lettered hoodies with the colors neon green and uh red or something. And they are going to say, "Dance Club motherfucking cock sucking bitch a$$ tittie slapping Massacre." And maybe we will add the word "broseph" on the back just for good measure. These are just some ideas.

Mitch, guitarist of my band, wrote a blog recently about his favorite TV show "Lost." I didn't read it. But I bet you did! So, I have a few things to say about MY TV shows. What is the deal with Regal turning out the lights on "Monday Night Raw?" And why is Triple H still feuding with Orton? And why are we seeing yet again the sequels to HBK vs.
Jericho, JBL vs. Cena, Taker vs. Edge. If WWE thinks we are stupid and don't have a long term memory, then why the hell are they selling old school DVDs like the history of the AWA, Dusty Rhodes's entire carreer, etc. Think about it jackasses. I swear to God I can write better then those morons. If I were Vinny Mac, Santino Marella would get the biggest push ever. The man is a genius. Kendrick would turn heel on London. Bring Colt Cabana up from development already! Fire Shannon Moore! Give Elijah Burke a title, and a lot of promo time. For God sakes this is just basic knowledge, am I right?
Also, I have to say BOO-FUCKING YAH Tim Duncan! Just watched game six last night Spurs vs. Hornets. I love Timmy Duncan and I want to see the Spurs kill them damn Wasps. Boston is going all the way. Next year look out for Drew Gooden (Osama Beard Gooden) and the Bulls bitches. Our time has come, again.

Back to my love for wrestling. I've heard a lot of talk about Emmure lately. Being on the road venue after venue the promoters and the bands and kids always say Emmure was just here and they packed the place. This brings me to their "Total Nonstop Action Wrestling" deal. First off, kudos Emmure. That is the coolest thing I have ever heard of. Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle found them and praised them. He is on their new album cover. TNA promotes the guys. Furthermore, Kurt Angle was on TNA last week wearing their shirt. So I have an idea. We shall feud with Emmure! We’ll send Samoa Joe a package of our shit. He won't like it I am sure, but imagine if the Samoan Submission Machine wears our shit? Dance Club Massacre "Circle of Death" featuring Samoa Joe on the front cover tearing shit up. Boo yah, we get TNA promotion. Then finally in a few months in a steel cage it will be a war games elimination style match. Kurt Angle and Emmure vs.
Samoa Joe and Dance Club Massacre. Then my dreams can come true by breaking into the music business and the wrestling business at the same time. So Emmure if you read this... We are coming for you big daddy! Come hell or high water! Without a shadow of a doubt! Make no mistake about it! Blood will be shed! Bones will be shattered! Let the mind games begin! And that’s the bottom line, because Dance Club Massacre said so! Because it's just a matter of time we meet you guys in the six sided steel cage, and we're gonna crrrrrrush ya! Whatcha gonna do, when our new gold foil shirts, our haunting keys, and our shredding guitar licks run wild on you!? If ya smelllllllllllllllllllllll what DCM... is cooking.

Fuck high gas prices ;)


xsupercoolguyx said...

This is the best idea I have ever heard!
Create a fuckin grudge match. A rivalry. I'm not much of a proffesional wrestleing fan, but if I saw Emmure and Dance Club Massacre going at it in a steel cage, I'd be first to buy the pay per view and watch. Send him your shirts, a cd and a letter pitching him this idea. Its freaking genius!


Anonymous said...

You listen to Jim Rome? If you don't, you should. You would like that show. You remind me of the type of freak that would enter a classic J.R. "Smackoff" or whatever.... fabulous. AR

Anonymous said...

You prob already are a klone, but if you don't know what I am talking about check out ol J.R. on your local am sports station sometime.. some great stuff. Your blog was good. AR

Anonymous said...

Yet now you guys have gold foil shirts. ¬_¬