Monday, June 2, 2008

Artist Entry: Romans bassist Sean Martin has an orange girlfriend

Why "The Orange Box" has everything a girlfriend has and more...

The Orange Box is loaded with five of the hottest titles around. The OB (I am acronyzing (I made up this word) The Orange Box from now on to hopefully sound more like a tool.) By including Half Life 2, I am already two inches large in the pants area; sure, a girl could definitely accomplish that, but The Orange Box also includes HL: Episode 1 & 2, Portal, and Team Fortress 2. Don't get me wrong, other than the epic acne on my face you could say some girls find me attractive, but I do not foresee me being with FIVE girls whenever I want. This is only one of the reasons why The OB should be considered five extremely hot babes. Now to dive into each game for a strict comparison to any type of lady...

Everyone Likes a Fling: Team Fortress 2
A first person shooter with no strings attached. This game pleases you quickly and leaves you with nothing to think about. You can choose between multiple characters with a hit of the comma button and a left click. It is everyone's dream to just be able to pick and choose whoever they would like to "use." Why is this better than your girlfriend? Choose whoever you want, last short or last long, either way you can cum back and do it again whenever you want with whoever you want.

For the Men Who Enjoy Games and Being Confused by Their Girlfriend: Portal
Basically a puzzle. If you enjoy getting mindfucked by your girlfriend this is the game for you. This game also has a robotic woman's voice that says some funny things. I like a girl with some humor so this is nice. Why is this better than your girlfriend? Along with being confused you also get a sweet gun that shoots portals. SPOILER ALERT!!!!

You also get cake at the end of the game. A bit inside, I'm sorry.

For The Guys Who Want to Settle Down into a Longterm Relationship: Half Life 2, HL2: Episode 1&2
These are all special. Three games that you can sit down with and really commit. There are good times and there are bad times, but with these three games you know you can count on some really good days and stories. With hours and hours of game play in each game you cannot help but fall in love. Why is this better than your girlfriend? You have a great memories throughout the whole game. And if you want to travel back to the good old days just load a saved game and relive the times when things were easier.

The OB could be compared to a release of Roadhouse, Hard to Kill, Cobra, Kindergarten Cop, and Bloodsport all on one DVD. As you have read, the OB has all the things you want in a relationship and more. Other than the sex -- who needs it right? Right. Yeah I don't need it. I'm fine. It definitely has your one night stands, your confusing women, and your long term. I don't know about you, but I am about to head out on a date -- to my PC. I can't help but hope all realize what I have, that The Orange Box is in so many ways five smokin' bittys in one.

From the tool noted above,


Anonymous said...

Dang, I did not know you were in another band. You play bass too? anyway, I'll bee seeing you guys tear it up here in 8 days at the Ogden. Kick ass. AR

Anthony said...

what the fuck just happned? lol